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Weight Loss Jealousy

Shedding your past to find the REAL you!

September 19, 2012 by HeatherRobertson

Coupons by dmdonahoo - photo on flickr - Creative Commons Licenseby Heather Robertson

Are you struggling with letting go of a past identity? Does it hold you back from reaching your weight loss goals?

That’s a part of losing weight many people don’t think about.

It happened to me.

So, I had to learn that who I am, my true value, isn’t based on what I do, or how others view me, but how I see myself.

False Sense of Value

In 2008, shortly after my second son was born, we were having financial difficulties.

I decided to learn the fine art of couponing. However, I did what I’ve done so many time before, I became obsessed with becoming the “best” at it. We went from spending $500 to $700 dollars a month to cutting our grocery bill down to about $250 a month!

Among my family and friends I became known as “The Coupon Queen”. I taught classes. I answered questions. People would seek me out and want to know what I did to get our grocery bill so low.

I began to accept the label as part of my identity. It defined my sense of self-worth.

Fast forward and I was getting closer to my weight loss goal. I was also eating healthier, buying way more vegetables and fruits. This caused our food budget to creep up and it stressed me out. My sense of value, the way I believed I contributed value to my family, was all tied up in my couponing.

So, I did something difficult for me. Very difficult. I told my husband we had to increase the grocery budget. Even though he reacted with a “That’s fine. Let’s do it,” for me, I felt like a failure. Like I was letting my family down. I’d accepted this “Coupon Queen” image of myself so completely, it was difficult to let go of this view of myself.

However, I began to see that my problem, this obsessive need to be “perfect,” had to do with not only my feelings of self-worth, but also my self-efficacy.

In case you’ve never heard me talk about self-efficacy before, it has to do with how you view your own competence and your ability to complete tasks and goals.

I wasn’t aware at the time, but it was my low self-efficacy, a lack of belief in myself and my abilities, that created my need to define myself by these labels.

So, when my circumstances changed, even for the better, it forced me to look at my false sense of identity, my false sense of value.

Breakthrough Moment

During a recent dinner with friends, I had a breakthrough moment.

As we talked the subject of eating fresh, healthier foods came up.

One of my friends (whom I’d taught how to coupon) studied me for a moment, like she was weighing her choice of words. Then she asked, “So, are you still couponing?”

Not long ago, I would have wanted to hide under a rock. I would have felt shame, guilt. I would have questioned myself, my mind flooding with doubt about the choices I’d made.

Was I doing enough?

Should I do more couponing?

Maybe I was letting my family down after all!

Instead, I looked at my friend and said “Yes, I’m couponing, but not like I was.” I didn’t say it with that familiar, unwanted twinge of pain. There was no feeling like I was letting everyone down, or I wasn’t living up to my fullest potential.

I just embraced it. I realized my life has changed. And certain aspects, like couponing, don’t define who I really am.

Now, I understand how important self-efficacy is, and I believe I can always find a way, or develop the skills necessary, to do the job at hand.

One of the Greatest Gifts

When I needed to save my family lots of money, I learned how to do it. When I needed to lose weight, I learned how to eat better, exercise, and I finally took charge of my binge eating to achieve my goals.

I now believe in me enough that given any set of circumstances I know can find a way to succeed!

That’s what this whole journey is about for all of us. I’ve always possessed the skills to do what I needed to do, I just didn’t realize it. And the same is true for you. It’s true for all of us.

Knowing you can depend on yourself to figure a way to achieve your goals, no matter what, is one of the greatest gifts you’ll ever give yourself.

Maybe your sense of self-worth comes from these labels. Maybe you carry them around with pride and are secretly terrified to let them go.

If they’re holding you back from living your life to its fullest potential, look inside yourself. Commit to change. Commit to believing in yourself. Commit to knowing, unconditionally, that you’ll find a way… no matter what!

What past beliefs about yourself are holding you back? Please share your thoughts in the comments section or send me a message by clicking here. I’d love to hear from you!

Filed Under: Blog, Weight Loss Inspiration, Weight Loss Jealousy

How to set (and hit) your weight loss goals

August 22, 2012 by HeatherRobertson

A Little Help by Jenn Durfey -  photo on flickr - Creative Commons Licenseby Heather Robertson

I get a lot of questions regarding why I was so successful losing weight “this time”.

Of course, this wasn’t my first time trying to lose weight. I’d tried (and failed) MANY, MANY times before.

For those who don’t know my story, I tried for years to lose weight. I did all the popular programs and diets. I did Weight Watchers. I did Atkins. I did South Beach. I even did some programs more than once (like Weight Watchers).

But I failed them all. Every time.

So, what did I do differently this time? How was I able to finally get focused and reach my weight loss goal to lose 170 pounds? [Read more…] about How to set (and hit) your weight loss goals

Filed Under: Blog, Weight Loss Inspiration, Weight Loss Jealousy, Weight Loss Tips

How To Deal With Weight Loss Jealousy

July 18, 2012 by HeatherRobertson

Private Time - Author: maistora / photo on flickrby Heather Robertson

I recently got an e-mail from a listener. I’ll call her Ellen. She was dealing with weight loss jealousy from her co-workers.

Ellen was healthy, physically fit, and better educated than many of the people she worked with. But she felt certain people were jealous of her and she wanted to fit in and make friends.

So, to protect herself from this jealousy and judgment, she gained weight. She even gave up her favorite clothes and jewelry to fit in and avoid the resentment of her so-called “friends.”

Because she was worried that others might resent her success and achievements, Ellen wasn’t living her life to its fullest potential.

Ellen’s story struck me as one of the saddest things I’d ever read.

The idea that someone would change who they were, that they would undermine what they’d worked so hard to achieve, all out of fear that somebody might be jealous? Is that even possible?

And then I realized it is possible, because I’d done it myself.

We all do.

You cannot control anybody else’s feelings

I’ve talked about this many times before on the podcast. You can’t control what somebody else thinks or feels or does. You can only control yourself.

We often assume we know what others are thinking. But what if you found out the people you thought were jealous of you, weren’t jealous?

You’d discover you lived a sub-par life all those years for nothing!

It wasn’t anyone’s thoughts or feelings of jealousy that held you back, it’s what you thought about those thoughts and feelings that held you back.

And guess what? Whether others are really jealous of you or not… the choice of how you live your life is still yours!

Seek out friends, not “frenemies”

Anybody in your life who doesn’t want what’s best for you is not your friend.

Period.

End of story.

A friend is someone who wants what’s best for you, no matter how it affects them. That’s what true friendship is all about! You didn’t get to choose the family you were born in to, but everyone else is in your life because you invited them in.

So, ask yourself, why would I invite anyone into my life that doesn’t enrich it, that doesn’t encourage me to reach my highest potential?

If you’re  constantly stressed about what someone else is thinking about you, then you aren’t living your fullest, authentic life. If you have to be less than your best possible self around someone, then ask yourself, “Why do I want this friendship?”

The truth is, that many of us (me included), want an excuse. What we’re most afraid of is accepting total responsibility for our choices and actions. When we tell ourselves that we shouldn’t lose weight, or be healthy, because those we care about will be jealous, what we’re really saying is I don’t want to take responsibility for my situation and it’s easier to be a victim.

That’s the attitude that causes so many of us to lose control of our lives. And it’s this loss of control that can lead to morbid obesity, loss of self-esteem, and life-threatening health issues.

In the end, if your friends really are jealous, that’s their problem. Their happiness is their responsibility, not yours.

A simple self-experiment

Try this experiment: For one day, pay attention to your thoughts. Notice whenever you try to “know” what someone is thinking or feeling about you.

Write down your observations if you can. Or just make a mark in a small notebook every time you have one of these thoughts. Then, at the end of the day, add them up. How many times that day did you try and view yourself through someone else’s eyes?

You know what? If you repeat this exercise every day, soon you’ll begin to see you can’t control what others think, so why even try?

When you can remove this imagined burden from your shoulders, you’ll find true joy and happiness. Then you’ll start living your best, fullest life.

And you’ll begin to see yourself through the only eyes that matter… your own.

Are you trying to live inside someone else’s head? Does it affect your day-to-day choices?

Filed Under: Blog, Weight Loss Inspiration, Weight Loss Jealousy, Weight Loss Tips Tagged With: Weight Loss Jealousy

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