Half Size Me

A program of one. Supported by many.

Binge Eating

Take Back Power to Gain Control of Your Eating… and Your Life

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Boundaries by joiseyshowaa - photo on flickr - Creative Commons Licenseby Heather Robertson

By now you’ve started piecing together why you binge eat.

You’ve tracked everything for (at least) a week. You’ve considered your relationships. you’ve examined different stressors in your life and looked at your eating habits. You’re starting to figure out what’s causing you to have binge episodes.

But you still have a problem.

You still find yourself struggling with feeling powerless. It’s so difficult to tell people no, especially the ones you love. And then there are the other people in your life who only take, but never give you anything in return. But you find it easier to give these people what they want, so you tell them ‘yes’ when you’re really wanting to scream, ‘No!’

So, the question becomes: How can you learn to say ‘no’ as easily as you say ‘yes’?

Here are five suggestions to get you started:

1. Clearly define your boundaries. Do you know what really is, and is not, your responsibility? Do you have a clear idea about your own personal boundaries?

On a piece of paper, write out what you are actually responsible for. If you have children, “providing my children with food, shelter, and clothes” is an example of a real responsibility. Or if you have a job, you might include “arriving on time” or “completing tasks by their deadline.”

List out as many responsibilities as you can think of. Now, look over your list. Do you see any examples that aren’t really your responsibility? And if you aren’t sure, ask yourself, ‘Is it really my responsibility, or am I allowing other people to load up my plate?’

2. Create a plan for dealing with toxic people. In a previous post, we’ve talked about toxic people. They are people that are a drain on you, that take but they never give. Maybe they are nasty to you. They are always saying snide snarky comments. They really just wear on you. They never bring anything pleasant to your life. You need to decide what is acceptable and what is not acceptable from these people.

If you decide to continue to have a relationship with a toxic person, there are a few steps you can take.

First, you need to tell the the person mistreating you that the way they’re acting isn’t acceptable. Second, make them aware of the unacceptable behavior. Third, explain the consequences of their behavior (e.g. you’ll leave, hang up the phone, etc.). Finally, if they continue, follow through on your consequence.

But you need to have a set of guidelines that you follow with these people because toxic people will always take and they will keep taking and at some point you need to draw the line in the sand and say enough is enough.

3. Learn the art of saying no. “No” is the smallest, yet most powerful word in the English language.

However, we have the hardest time saying it. I once read that somebody worth having in your life will accept your ‘no’ as easily as they accept your ‘yes’.

If someone can’t accept your no, then there could be boundary issues. When they “expect” you to do something, that’s a red flag. Your boundaries with that person aren’t clearly defined.

And saying no doesn’t mean you have to be rude. You just have to be able to say no.

You might say, “I’m sorry, I don’t have time on my schedule for that right now,” or “I’m sure you can find somebody else to help with that,” or “I really appreciate you thinking of me, but it’s not a good time for me right now.”

When you get better at saying no, you’re showing those around you, and yourself, that you have value. Your time is valuable. And if you really want to correct your binge eating issues, get your weight under control, and finally live the life you want to live, you’ll need that time to work on yourself, not spend it meeting all the needs of others.

4. Flex your assertive muscle. Saying ‘no’ isn’t the only way you can assert yourself. Start delegating responsibilities to lessen your stress. It’s very easy for us to get overloaded, thinking we have to (and can do) everything.

At some point, however, you have to say, “You know what? Maybe the dishes won’t get done exactly the way I would do them, but somebody else is capable of cleaning  them.” When you start delegating responsibilities to other people, whether it’s in your home, work, or social life, you’ll lessen your stress and increase your assertiveness.

You have to take back the time you need to take care of you. It’s an amazing thing when you start speaking up for yourself. It frees you, because all of a sudden you aren’t resentful. You aren’t angry. You’re taking charge of your life. And you’re doing what you want to do, not because somebody else “guilted you into it,” but because you really want to.

Do you find it hard to tell the people in your life ‘No’? If so, why do you find it so difficult? Can you think of any other ways to develop your “assertive muscle” and begin to take back the time you need to improve your own life?

Please share your thoughts on saying no in the comments!

4 Ways You Can Identify Your Binge Eating Triggers

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Photo author Helga Weber - on flickr - creative commons licenseby Heather Robertson

We all have different things that make us want to binge eat.

For you, it could be stress at a job.

Or maybe it’s an emotional need not being met.

It can even be a certain person that triggers the urge to binge.

If you’re not sure what triggers your own binge eating, here are four possibilities you may want to consider:

1. Stressful situations. You find you’re coming up on a deadline. Or you don’t have enough money in your bank account to cover the bills this month.

Your heart races. You start to sweat. The panic sets in.

Next thing you know, you’re rooting through your desk drawers looking for candy bars. If you’re at home when the trigger happens, you scan the refrigerator’s contents for that leftover birthday cake, or half-gallon of ice cream.

If this sounds like you, then you might be binging as a reaction to a stressful situation. What makes most of these negative situations stressful is that they are unexpected.

Of course, many situations we face are unexpected. The only thing you can know for sure is that, sooner or later, you’ll face unexpected situations, so prepare for the unexpected.

Write down 10 examples of situations you “never saw coming,” but led to you binge eating. Now, write down 5 ways you could have dealt with these situations other than eating.

For instance, you don’t have enough money to cover your bills? Are you keeping a budget? What would happen if you tracked every purchase you made for one month? Could you talk to a friend or financial counselor about your money management problems and get advice?

2. Emotional Reaction. Similar to the “stressful” binge is when you eat as an emotional reaction. Do you find when you’re home alone you want to binge? Do you have a hard time expressing your feelings during a fight, or in a stressful situation? Maybe your significant other and your friends are far away and you have an empty feeling you’re hoping food will fill?

When you have emotional needs that aren’t being met, you turn to food. You have an unhealthy relationship with food, because you “feed” your feelings.

The problem with this emotional binge eating is you never feel full. You’re lonely, or sad, and you stay that way– no matter how much you eat.

I had my worst binges when my husband was out for the evening. I wasn’t happy alone, in my own skin. I hated the feeling of being by myself. So, I binged, which made an already emotional situation worse. I was lonely. guilty, depressed and frustrated with myself.

How do you know if you’re an emotional binger? Think back to your last few binge episodes. Were you by yourself? Was it after a fight with someone you care about? After a rough day at work?

You don’t address the issues as they come up; you push the feelings down deep and then binge later when you’re alone. You do this to feel like you’re taking back control. But it always has the opposite effect.

Once you’re aware of your emotional issues, you can begin to make changes. For example, if you know you’ll be alone on Tuesday night, make plans with a friend to get out of the house.

If your friends aren’t available, then go to the movies or a mall. Sometimes being around other people can help you feel less lonely.

Before you have another confrontation with someone you love, practice how you’ll talk to them in advance. You might say, “I don’t like how you spoke to me. Please change your tone,” or “You can say or do whatever you want, but I don’t have to stand here and take this.”

You need to practice these responses because being assertive doesn’t come naturally for many people.

And if you want to improve, remember– practice makes perfect.

3. Hunger. Are you a “hunger” binge eater? Are you trying to cut corners during the day when you’re busy and active and then paying for it later? Do you get so hungry you’re willing to consume everything in sight?

Here’s an example: Let’s say you decide to save up calories (or points) because you want to have that delicious dessert you’re craving. So, you skip a meal, or eat too little throughout the day.

Your body can only go so long without fuel. It’s like trying to drive across town on fumes. Sure, you might make it, but it’s more likely you’ll break down.

Your body needs fuel too. But you’re withholding that fuel. So you’ll start craving foods like simple carbohydrates (candy, soda, baked goods) that give you a quick fix. But these foods are most often empty calories with no real nutritional value.

To avoid these type of binges, don’t skip a meal! Instead of consuming junk food, eat the proper amount of protein and complex carbs (fruits and veggies). You’ll get the energy you need and your hunger won’t derail your weight loss efforts.

4. Toxic people or relationships. Toxic people are a drain on you. They are the people who emotionally take, and take, and take and never give you anything in return.

They are the people that bring nothing positive to your life. You don’t feel good whenever you’re around them. Everything is a negative.

These are the kind of relationships you really want to unload. You’re responsible for your own happiness. You might believe you’re responsible for the happiness of people in your life. The constant need to appease these people causes you stress and frustration. And that’s what causes you to want to binge eat.

You feel like you’re not in control. So, it’s time to take control. List out all the relationships in your life. write down or think about how you feel whenever you’re around each person.

Ironically, if you’re living to fulfill someone else’s happiness, you’ll never feel fulfilled, or happy, yourself.

So, what about you? Do you see any of your own triggers in these four examples? Or do you have other triggers?

Please share your experiences in the comments to help others who are struggling to find their own answers!

5 Actions You Can Take to Get Control After You Binge

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Day 46 - photo by pigstubs on Flickr - Creative Commons licenseby Heather Robertson

Whenever I attempted to lose weight in the past, I’d do well for 6-8 weeks. Then, I’d have a binge episode and spiral out of control again. This endless cycle, and the fear of it, consumed me.

Feeling like a failure, I’d walk away from my plan. I’d give up on my efforts to get healthy and I’d give up on myself.

After the birth of my first son, I finally found the internal motivation to take my health and weight loss serious.

I knew I wasn’t going to undo twenty-something years of bad eating habits and binge episodes in a few months. If I wanted to reach my goal, I needed to lessen my urge to binge.

In last week’s binge eating post, I mentioned nine tips to help prevent a binge episode. These are great tools to help you stop a binge before it starts.

But what do you do if you can’t prevent it?

To help you, I’d like to share my 5 proven ways to deal with a binge after you’ve had one:

1. Accept the binge episode. Before I’d binge (and during) I’d say to myself, “You’re having a binge episode.”

Don’t deny it. Don’t rationalize it, or make excuses. Accept your binge without judging yourself as “good or bad”. This is is harder than you’d think, but gets easier over time.

You must take ownership of what you’re doing. You’re the one binge eating. You control what you eat, not the other way around.

2. Lose the all or nothing mentality. My binges were never contained to one meal. I had the all or nothing mentality.

I figured, if I binged in the late morning, why bother “being good” for the rest of the day?

So, I binged at lunch. Then again at dinner. Sometimes I’d continue into the evening. Often to the point where I could’ve thrown up.

But after I made the commitment to change, I knew I needed to lose the “all or nothing” mentality.

So, after you binge, whatever your next meal is, get back on plan. Count your calories, or your points, or your carbs.

Over time, you’ll learn if you binge once your entire day doesn’t have to spiral out of control. What was once unmanageable will become manageable, and you’ll begin to control your urges.

3. Journal everything you eat. This is similar to the tip I gave last week. The biggest difference is, journaling all the foods you ate during a binge can be painful. It’s painful to read how much you’ve eaten in one sitting, to face the reality of what you’re doing.

But it’s about being honest with yourself. You don’t have to share your journal with anyone. I didn’t share mine.

When you write down exactly what you eat, add up the points, calories, or carbs you consume, and review what you did, you’ll realize what you’re doing to yourself.

Until you’re aware of what you’re doing when you binge, how can you accept it? How can you take control of something when you don’t know how out of control you are?

4. Stick to your weigh-ins. Even if you’ve had a binge, weigh-in every week. This was an essential part of what helped me stay on track with my weight loss. I told myself ‘d weigh-in every week, no matter what.

Here’s why:

Let’s say you have a binge episode in the early part of the week. You’ve committed to weighing in on Saturday. Now, you’ll make sure to step up your game for the rest the week.

Although you’ve binged, if you follow your meal plan and exercise routine, your weight may balance out by week’s end. When you know you have to step on the scale, you feel accountable to yourself.

And if you’ve gained weight, you can correct what you’ve done. I had 17 weeks of weight gain due in part to binge episodes. These weeks were part of the learning process. They slowed me down, but I did hit my weight loss goal (two months early). 

5. Forgive yourself. This was, by far, the hardest thing I had to learn to do. You have to let go of the anger and frustration you feel about binging.

It happened, it’s done. Now pick up the pieces and move forward. If you can do this, and not allow the negative self-talk derail you, you’ll find you’re talking to yourself like a friend.

I’d say to myself, “Heather, it’s okay. You binged. Document the episode and get back on plan. Keep moving forward because you can’t go back and change what you’ve done.”

Talk to yourself like this, even if you don’t believe the words at first.

By forgiving yourself, your self-worth and self-efficacy will grow. And the more these grow, the less you’ll feel the urge to binge. And if you do feel it, you’ll have the confidence to resist it.

Your efforts to overcome binge eating won’t happen overnight. But when you create your own rules, and follow them, you’ll find your habits change. Slowly, over time, you’ll notice the urge to binge gets less intense.

Will your urge to binge ever go away completely? I don’t know.

I still have urges from time to time. However, following my own rules allowed me to hit my goal weight and learn to have a healthier relationship with food.

So, what are the “rules” you’ve set for yourself regarding binge eating? Please share them with us in the comments!

9 Tips to Help You Prevent a Binge Eating Episode

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Friendship by sindorella- photo on flickr - Creative Commons licenseby Heather Robertson

I was about eight-years-old when I had my first binge episode, so I’ve had a lot of experience with it. Over the years, I’ve researched binge eating, focusing on what I’ve done to get a handle on  it. I’ve also listened to what others told me they’ve done too.

From all those years of painful experience, I’d like to share this list of nine tips you can use to start working on preventing a binge episode, right now. Pick one or two of these tips and try it yourself for a week or two. I think you’ll find you’ll become more aware of your binges and what’s causing them.

1. Eat a substantial breakfast every day. When I say substantial breakfast, I’m actually talking about food with protein in it. If you don’t like eggs, find a protein heavy alternative. Greek yogurt, for example, is a good option.

You can also make protein muffins. They’re delicious. And although they have a ridiculous amount of egg whites in them, you don’t taste the eggs.

2. Eat protein at every meal. You’ll want to do this in the earlier part of your day. Again, protein is key. Studies have shown it maintains your blood-sugar levels and it you’ll feel satisfied longer.

I know a lot of people tend to blow off eating protein, but your body needs it and it can help you suppress the urge to binge eat.

3. Carry a healthy snack with you. I like to eat the majority of my calories between the time I wake up (around 5:30 am) and 3:30 in the afternoon. Because of the way I work out, my body needs those calories. So, I keep a stash of snacks with me all the time.

String cheese, apples, peanut butter, cottage cheese and fruit, and almonds are all excellent healthy snacks. Have snacks like these on hand in case you start to feel hungry between meals.

4.  Avoid surrounding yourself with tempting foods. I keep my pantry clear of most of my trigger foods (the types of food I tend to binge on). Because I know sweets are a weakness, I keep them out of the house. Does this mean I never have them? Or that I “deprive” my kids and husband?

No, it doesn’t.

When we go out, for special occasions, I’ll have a treat. Or, if I’m bringing it home, I’ll buy enough for everyone to have a serving. However, because I know desserts are my triggers, I don’t keep them in my house.

5. Exercise first thing. If you binge eat, when you exercise may matter as much as if you exercise. When I’d have a binge episode in the past, I noticed something. If I worked out in the morning, I’d try and salvage the rest of the day. It felt like I was already “vested” into my healthy lifestyle.

But whenever I  planned on working out at the end of the day, if I had a binge beforehand, it became an excuse not to exercise. I’d tell myself, “Well, you’ve already binged, so why even bother?” Of course, I know now how irrational this rationalization was, but it’s how I felt.

6. Be aware of how you’re feeling. If you’re tempted to eat, but don’t feel hungry, pay attention to how all of you feels, not just your stomach. Your body will key you in. We get so out of touch with our bodies over the years. This is especially true as you gain weight. You stop listening to it.

It’s time to start paying attention again.

If you’re feeling the urge to eat, stop for a minute and ask yourself, “Am I really hungry? Do I want to eat, or is something else going in?” See if the feeling passes. If it doesn’t, don’t beat yourself up. Awareness of your impulses, knowing what you’re feeling when the urge to binge hits you, is an important step in gaining control.

7. Journal your food choices. Write down what you eat. Everything. This is what many weight loss programs promote, and there’s a reason. It works. How can you get control of your eating if you don’t know what you’re putting in your mouth? You can also write down what you’re feeling, doing, and who you’re with when you feel the urge to binge eat.

You’ll start to notice patterns,. Maybe it’s the time of day. Or it’s only after certain situations, or when you’re around toxic people. Binges have patterns to them.

Try journaling for a week or two and see what you find.

8. Find your triggers and remove them. You know you have a trigger. Maybe there’s more than one. It’s whatever you experience that leads to a binge. Instead of dealing with your real problem, you’re turning to food. It seems like the “one thing” you can control. But, of course, you lose control, which leads to the dreaded binge.

It’s completely irrational, but there it is.

Examine the people and situations in your life. Decide if these “triggers” are worth keeping around. And if, for right now, you’re unable to remove your binge trigger, ask why you believe the only way to deal with your problem is to binge eat.

9. Find support. Seek out a group, counselor, coach, friend or family member. It’s important you find help to get you started. For me, I re-joined Weight Watchers and went to therapy. I began viewing myself differently. I started dealing with my binge eating and learned to coach myself through it. I did it my way.

You can find your way too. Finding support can get you started on your journey. It’s a bumpy road and everyone can use a helping hand to keep them steady when they stumble.

Do you have a tip to prevent a binge episode that I didn’t mention here? Please share it with us in the comments!

5 Big Mistakes Contributing to Your Binge Eating

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Chocolate Chunk Cookies by Mrs. Magic on Flickr - Creative Commons Licenseby Heather Robertson

Have you ever noticed that few, if any, diet books or programs deal with binge eating?

Whenever I attempted diets over the years (and there were a lot of attempts!), I noticed this was the one area of weight loss I could never find help with.

And the same pattern repeated over and over again. I would start a new program. I would do well for several weeks. Everything was going great. Then, BOOM! Another binge eating episode.

After a binge eating episode everything unraveled. I felt like a failure. And I felt alone. I didn’t see any references to what I was experiencing. I felt out of control with my eating, out of control with myself and nothing would pull me back in. It was a horrible, lonely time and if you’re going through a similar experience I want you to know you are not alone.

That’s why I’m doing this five-part series of posts on binge eating and why I’ll soon be offering a course on binge eating (click here to learn more). I know how it feels to be alone. And I know how important it is to get the support you need when you’re struggling along your weight loss journey.

Here are 5 big mistakes contributing to your binge eating:

Assuming you won’t binge eat when starting a new diet. This was my biggest mistake. I did it time and again. I’d start a new program. I saw it as a new slate, everything’s clean. I’m not going to binge eat.

Of course not!

Now, I’ve been binging for almost my entire life. Why did I believe for a second a new diet program was going to prevent me from continuing my old behaviors? It wasn’t. It never did. And it never could.

Only I could prevent those old habits. How? By changing them, replacing them with newer, healthier ones. It wasn’t until I accepted my binge eating and made a real effort to change it that I was able to lose 170 pounds and reach my goal weight.

Having no plan for dealing with a binge after it happens. You don’t want to acknowledge it, I know. It’s easier to pretend it didn’t happen. You don’t want to face it but then it happens anyway. You don’t have an exit strategy.

It’s like a fire drill. If you have young kids, you work with them to create an “escape plan” if a fire ever breaks out in your home. Thankfully, house fires rarely happen, but there’s always a chance it could. So you have a plan.

But there’s a better chance of you binge eating; however, you don’t have an exit strategy. Rather than wallowing in anger and self-loathing, accept what you did. Ask yourself why it happened? What triggered it? Could you do anything differently when it happens again?

Skipping meals before and after a binge. Have you ever skipped a meal? Told yourself “I’m going to be really good today. I’m going to eat breakfast and skip lunch. Then I’ll have a sensible dinner. Everything is going to be great!”

If you’ve done this I don’t need to tell you what happens next. You get famished. Anything and everything edible looks amazing to you. And once those sweet, fatty foods you love cross your pallet, it’s hard to stop.

So skipping meals can trigger a binge. But let’s say it’s a couple hours after dinner. You’re not really hungry, but you start munching anyway. Soon it turns into a full-fledged binge-a-thon.

Next morning you wake up and you vow, “I’m not going to eat breakfast. That’ll make up the difference for binge I had last night.” Once again, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re continuing the vicious cycle.

When you skip a meal, you feel famished later in the day and the binge starts all over again. Instead, if you woke up the day after the binge, and forced yourself to eat a protein-heavy food, like eggs, you’d break the binge eating cycle caused by skipping meals.

Self-loathing after a binge. I know, I’ve been there. When you binge eat all you can think about is ‘why did I do that,’ and ‘what’s wrong with me’. I remember having those thoughts and feelings.

It wasn’t until I started saying to myself, “It’s okay. You had a binge episode. So now, what can you do about it?” Instead of only seeing what was wrong with me, I asked myself, “How can I fix this? How can I stop letting my urge to binge eat control me?”

Ask yourself, “Is this how I’d treat a friend, or a loved one?” You’ll begin to change how you view yourself. You can’t go back and erase the binge you had last night, but you can decide, right now, to change the way you think about it.

Removing your binge eating triggers. Many things can trigger a binge eating episode. Stressful situations, relationships, family and friends, and work can all factor in. What are your triggers? Pay attention the next time you have the urge to binge. What happened just before? What about earlier in the day?

There might be several different reasons why you’re doing it. Write down your suspected triggers in a journal or notebook. Do this for a week and see if you notice a pattern emerging.

Know this. When you’re ready to dig deep, love yourself, identify your triggers, and prepare for the next binge, you’ll begin to feel in control of your binge eating and yourself!

Next week: Ten Tips for Preventing a Binge (before it happens)

Do you need support to help you feel in control your binge eating and ? Click here to learn more about my upcoming course—Binge Eating 101: How to control your urges, maintain your eating, and change your mindset about food.